FN-FORUM: HNY Jokes

date posted 1st January 2006 17:15

HNY all.. here's some jokes for you all to decipher if not too hungover

cheers
rich


A Glesga Burd goes tae the social tae register fur child benefit. "How many
children?" asks the civil servant
"10" replies the girl.
"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?"
"Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec
"Doesn't that get confusing ?"
"Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the street, ah
gist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they
aw dae it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil
servant.
"Aw 'at's easy," says the girl... "A jist use their surnames."

A Glesga burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the
counter.
"Ah'll be back tamorra efternin tae pick up ma dress." she says.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"Naw" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."

Glesga burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says "Choose from
our range on the wall."
She says "Gies that rid yin"
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."

A Glesga burd is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding.
The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: "It's OK, I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Morag."
Medic: "OK Morag, is this your car?"
Morag: "Yes."
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Morag: "Glesga"

A Glesga burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang. It was her
boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on the news that
thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8. Better watch yersel'!"
"It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fu***n' hunners o' them!"

Another Glesga burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere.
The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat
out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Danielle: "Ok."
Medic: "Ok then how many fingers have I put up?"
Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"