Re: FN-FORUM: OT: Your help is desperately needed

date posted 12th February 2008 00:01

Steven Lavine wrote:

> Adam, and everyone who thinks that this is a scam.
>
> Not everything sent via email asking for donations is a scam. I used the
> standard Paypal donation link as I needed the link up and running as
> quickly as possible, I see nothing wrong with using the standard paypal
> link as that is what it is used for, is it not? I do not feel that I
> have to justify my actions. However, I posted this message to the forum,
> to ask my peers for some assistance, is that wrong? I do not think so,
> If you do not wish assist, or can only come up with some sarcastic
> comment, then please do not respond. I am not having a great time at the
> moment as it is. As I use this forum quite a bit, do you honestly think
> that I would make something like this up?
>

Dear Steve,

You have my sincere sympathy for your situation, but I am somewhat
puzzled by your request for cash.

I have had a bad couple of years, for various reasons, all family, my
ex husband took me to court again for the custody of my son, and my
father died very slowly over a period of not quite a year.

Because I was looking after my son to begin with I was working part time
(whist he was a school) and getting tax credits. Then my son went to
live with his dad - no more tax credits - then my father needed (asked)
for me to drive him to France for his holiday for a month (he couldn't
manage the drive but didn't want to admit it)- I found some internet
cafes - and struggled on, it was a lovely holiday that I really couldn't
afford - then a month after we came back he had a major stroke.
He lived 250 miles from me I had to sort out the house, his finances, a
court of protection proceeding, eventually a nursing home, every time he
went back into hospital I drove there, I visited sometimes up to 3 times
a month, whilst also seeing my son every other weekend - juggling
wasn't in it.

Needless to say I lost one of my best clients, my credit cards are
still maxed, it cost me thousands, in diesel, lost work, just silly
expenses like looking for broadband access - in a village - no chance -
another 10 mile drive to a hotel, drink in the bar, etc. Huge phone bills!

As far as I am concerned that's what families do for each other, I
wouldn't have dreamt of asking strangers for money.
I am lucky to have some good friends, and my brother sister and I have
worked together to make my father's last year as dignified, comfortable
and supported as we could.
We were with him all the way and I would do it again.


My suggestion is that you should seriously review your finances now.
You may need help planning, I should have done this, as it was only
after my father died that it dawned on me how far in the shit I was.

I went to the bank and asked for a loan which was refused because I
couldn't show any significant earnings in the last three months
(surprise - my Dad had been dying), they applied for me twice, because
both times they said it would go through, it didn't, this trashed my
credit rating.

My Dad died last July, business is better now, but the charges on my
outstanding debts are crippling, my credit rating has been trashed
since August, so I can't re-finance, and one of my credit cards put my
rate up from 17% to 34% this morning!
My Dad's estate will be sorted out in a couple of months, which will
give me enough to pay off the debts and go on holiday. And I am still
(to my endless surprise) still coping; so please don't offer me any cash
as I would be offended.
Steve you are not alone.

Go to your bank / the CAB / your local credit union

and work out some worst and best case senarios.

It might be possible for your mother in law to re-negotiate her
mortgage, and or other financial commitments the CAB are really good at
this.
Try and negotiate a contingency fund.
Don't Panic.

These things always come out of the blue, as a shock, - usually just
when you thought you might get a breathing space.
If I could change what I did in the last two years it would only have
been better financial planning on my part, I started from a good
position, with only a small amount of debt good credit rating etc, I
could cope with an emergency and did, but the emergencies just kept
coming.
Plan for the worst - hope for the best.

With all my best wishes for good health for your mother in law.

Carrie


PS if anyone else has an elderly relative make sure that some one has a
power of attorney ( or whatever) before they suddenly can't sign a legal
document anymore.